This is just the early beginning of my journey and conversion.
                               My Journey  By Rose Nadeau

You must be wondering why I am taking the time to stop and tell you about my story.

Why would anyone want to take the time out of his or her life to share their personal journey with others? Why should I bother telling you about my sad stories, about my aches and pain, my sorrows and heartaches, about the valleys I’ve been in, and about all the mistakes and wrong turns I’ve made along the road of life?

The reason I want to tell you my story is because I know that you too have a story—perhaps not exactly the same as mine, but you too have experienced emptiness, sorrow, pain, loneliness, worry, fear, doubt, and the longing to find truth and happiness. The longing to find peace, hope, and joy.

My journey has led me through many deep valleys and many dark alleys, but through it all, I found the God that my heart was really longing for. I was not raised with any religion during my childhood years as I was growing up. My mom and dad had me baptized in the Catholic Church when I was a baby, but after that, they did not take me to church as I was growing up. After I was bathed in the baptismal font, I never saw the inside of a Catholic Church again.

My mother and father never attended church when I was a child. Today I realize that even though Mom and Dad never attended church, at least they had enough morals to have their children baptized. Because of this one simple act of having me baptized, the doors were opened for me to become a child of God. Through our baptism, we become a part of the family of God, and when God is our Father, He will never let anyone come and snatch us away. In Isaiah 49:15, it says: “Can a woman forget her own baby and not love the child she bore? Even if a mother should forget her child, I will never forget you, Jerusalem. I can never forget you; I have written your name on the palms of my hands.”

I may not have seen the inside of a church again, but God did not take His eyes off of me, nor His hands off of me, nor did He close His ears to the cry of my voice when I cried out for help in the valleys of my life. No, He did not forget me, nor does He forget anyone else. That includes every one of you who are reading my story today.

I could have held resentment towards my parents for not bringing me up in the faith, but today I can thank them with all of my heart for having me baptized, which was the first and most important step in a child’s life. Baptism is the greatest gift in life that a parent could give a child.

My baptism was a covenant between me and God—that I am His, and He is mine. I became a member of the largest family throughout the world, one that promises me everlasting life through Jesus Christ my Lord. The most well-known verse in the Bible says: “God loved the world so much that He gave us His only begotten Son, so that whosoever believes in Him will have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

This little baby, whom my parents baptized, now belongs to a family that will be with me for all eternity.

My next experience with God in my life was when I was about ten years old. God decided He was going to use a friend of mine to invite me to come to a Bible camp for the summer. I accepted my friend’s invitation and went. I had a great time learning Bible stories, canoeing, going on hikes, roasting marshmallows over a campfire, and especially meeting new friends.

Then, on the last night of camp, the counselor took me aside and asked me if I had ever given my heart to Jesus. I said no, of course, and she asked me if I wanted to. I said yes. So she said a prayer and asked me to repeat after her. It went a little like this:

 “Dear Jesus, I ask You to forgive me for all the sins I have ever committed during my life, and I am sorry for them. Please come into my heart and save me.”

It was very easy and simple. Don’t forget—I was only ten years old, so the prayer had to be short and sweet. What was important was that I didn’t just say it because the counselor wanted me to. I said it because I had a desire in my own little heart. I really wanted Jesus to come into my heart, to forgive me, and to save me.

I went to bed that night as the counselor tucked me into my nice warm sleeping bag, and I fell asleep in the arms of Jesus. The next day I felt the same—nothing different had happened. I packed up my clothes and hopped on the bus to go home. Life went on as normal after that.

My next encounter with God was in the Catholic Church when my sister got married. I was about twelve years old. She couldn’t get married until she had made her First Communion and Confirmation. When my parents found this information out, they figured, “Well, if my oldest daughter is going to do her First Communion and Confirmation, we should get Rose to do hers too and prepare her for her wedding day sometime in the far-off future, they were hoping.” So I made my First Communion and Confirmation at the same time as my sister did.

My parents never sent me to a Catholic school, so I did not know much about the faith in which I was baptized. At the time, I knew very little. After my Confirmation and First Communion, I continued to attend a public school until I graduated and went on to a public high school at the age of 15. Then I started dating boys.

That was when I took my first plunge into the valley of my life. Making wrong decisions in life happens so fast—it is so easy. But how blinded a person can be, not to see how deep and wide, how dark and long, the valley we are jumping into really can be. Let’s not forget how long it may take us to climb out. Making the right choices and decisions every day in our life is so important. It is truly a matter of life and death. Whatever decision we make will determine whether we end up with blessings on the mountaintops or curses in the valley.

The Bible says that we are offered life or death, a blessing or a curse. Deuteronomy 11:26 says: “Today, look, I am offering you a blessing and a curse: a blessing if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I am giving you today, but a curse if you disobey these commands and turn away.”

 When we live our lives in righteousness and turn away from sin, God will bless us. When we make a poor choice, sin will always lead us into a valley of darkness. The choice is ours, and we had better ask for some wise and holy advice from faithful people so that we make the right choice—because we are going to suffer the consequences of our poor choices, big time.

I made many wrong choices in life, like most rebellious teenagers who refuse to listen to good religious advice from their parents or elders. To most teenagers today, religion seems old-fashioned. I, like many of you, didn’t take any good advice. If it felt good, if it looked good, it was good, and I wanted to do it. Little did I know back then that one bad choice after another—deeper and deeper—would suddenly leave me looking up and realizing how far I had traveled down the valley of life. I began to look up and see no hope of ever getting out of the mess I had put myself in.

Well, I met a good-looking boy, and before you know it, I got caught up in a sexual relationship with him. I started taking the birth control pill and I was safe for a few years. However, I forgot to take my pill for a few days, and I ended up getting pregnant. Guess what—again, you play with fire, you get burned. When we play with sin, we get burned. We end up in valleys, we end up in gutters and tunnels with no light at the end, in hospitals, jails, homeless, and on the streets. Sin will always lead to doom and gloom and eventually death and darkness.

Psalm 23:1 says: “The Lord is my shepherd; I lack nothing.” And later: “Though I walk through the valley of darkness, I will fear no evil, for He is with us.” Yes, Jesus is with us—but why go there if we don’t have to? Why drink poison that will kill us, when we can drink from the well of salvation, the living water that leads to righteousness and holiness? The water that will spring up inside of us, so we will never thirst again. Water that will make us holy and become saints.

When we choose to follow Christ and make the right choices—saying no to sin and yes to God—then only blessings and graces will follow us all the days of our life. Let’s face it: I made many bad choices when I was sweet sixteen, and so do many of you today. But we don’t have to go with the flow and do what so many others are doing. We can choose to live by the commandments of God.

It was my first year of high school. My sixteenth birthday was rolling around the corner. I was at the prime of my life. I was at the ripe age for God to pour out His blessings on my life. If I had only listened to Him, I could have said no to sex and sin, no to alcohol and drugs. I could have said “yes” to staying in school and getting a good education. “Yes” to living a life of prayer, going to church, and putting my trust in God to answer and fill the desires of my heart. I could have said “yes” to staying in school and getting a decent education and a good-paying job for the future, so that I would not end up on skid row or living a life of poverty, in and out of homeless shelters and soup kitchens and food banks, begging my entire life.

I could have been spared suffering in ways I did not have to suffer. Instead of saying yes to God, we say yes to drugs and booze to run away from the pain, and we end up in a vicious circle all because we chose the road of sin, which leads to the valleys of our life. This road leads to no meaning, no purpose for living. Then we decide we want out, and suicide seems like the easy way out. Sin will always lead us into a valley of darkness—and oh, how dark it was for me. I never thought I would ever see from a mountaintop again.

 I was now sixteen and pregnant. This little sixteen-year-old girl ended up getting a little too close to the boys for my own good. I was just in my prime of life, the hopes and dreams of my whole future about to be shattered before my eyes. I was in my first year of high school. Being a sixteen-year-old mother was not a part of my dreams or plans. After all, I was just a child myself and could not picture myself taking care of a baby.

Suddenly, I was overshadowed by fear. How am I going to take care of a baby? I was a mere baby myself. I was not ready to get married, to take care of a husband. I didn’t even know how to clean a house, wash clothes, change diapers, and do all those domestic things that Mom did at home. My dad did all the cooking at home—I did not even know how to cook Kraft Dinner, and Mom never taught me. What will my mom think of me? What about school, my education? What will Dad say? He will throw me out and disown me. What am I going to do?

 I was in my first year of high school. I knew I would have to be quiet. Did this mean I was going to be a high school dropout—a nobody, a nothing in life? These questions haunted me. I told my best friend about it and how I was feeling. She had an older brother who got lots of girls pregnant, and he knew exactly how I could solve all my problems. He told me at first to take a hot mustard bath. That didn’t work. Then he went to the drug store and bought me some complimentary pills I did not even have to pay for. “These will do the trick,” he said. “They are sure to kill any baby inside of you.”

I tried them, but thanks be to God, He had another plan for my life. I got very sick and threw up the pills—my stomach could not take it. So I gave up and decided to face the music.

To make a long story short, I did end up getting married to the father of my child. My dad had no choice but to let me get married to him or raise me and my child himself. So I got married on March 4, 1967. I gave birth to a 5 lb. baby girl on June 17, 1967. I was sure glad that my attempt at abortion failed, because today my daughter, whom I tried to get rid of, gave me two beautiful grandchildren who have been my pride and joy in my life. Alicia is now sixteen and Peter is twelve. In a few years, if God is willing, I will soon be a great-grandma.

I still wasn’t practicing my faith at the time I got married. I had no Christian life or beliefs. My husband was an altar boy when he was young but let his Christian life also go to the side in his early teens. Years ago, families prayed the Rosary together with their kids before they went to bed. Parents ook their children to church, and they would walk miles if they had to, to get there—no matter how hot or cold the weather was. There were many more families going to church back in those days. Not in my days, nor in the present time we are living in. The people today who are trying to live out a Christian life are the minority. Because I did not have a family who prayed together and did not live out the Christian life, we did not stay together.

We had no Christian life, no prayer life, no church life—no nothing. We had to struggle without God in our lives. In 1971, I gave birth to a second child, another beautiful girl, and she too gave me two grandchildren. My marriage lasted nine years before it hit rock bottom. My husband began to drink excessively, and with no faith, no family prayer, no church community, in 1976 my marriage ended in divorce.

 Another mountain in my life I had to climb. Now what? How am I going to raise two children as a single parent? All I had to offer them was shattered dreams and a broken heart. I had no job experience, no education to go out and get a job. Would I have to go on welfare and live a life of poverty? Was this all I could give my kids? However, God was with me. I had forgotten that I gave my heart to Jesus, but He never forgot me. He knew I was in trouble, and God came to my assistance. God was with me when I couldn’t see His footprints anymore—He was carrying me. He led me to a hairdressing school. I took my course for one year.

 I became the best hairdresser ever and opened my own business. I may have had no education, but my talent was in my hands and my heart, not my head. I raised my kids with the salary of a hairdresser, which helped me to rovide a pretty good life for my two girls. Up to this point, I still wasn’t living a Christian life. I was still searching for God and love in all the wrong places, and it was even harder now because I was getting lonelier and lonelier, and I now had a broken heart that needed mending.

It was then that I turned to God to heal my brokenness, my shattered dreams of living happily ever after with my knight in shining armor. I cried out to God in this lonely spot in life—in this valley of brokenness, in this hopelessness and darkness—and God heard my cry and reached out to me one more time. A friend invited me to go on a weekend. It was called New Beginnings. It was for people who were separated or divorced, and also for widows. On this weekend, I finally got it. I finally found out.

True happiness is all about Jesus—giving our life to Him, living as He wants us to live, and that is forgiving one another and loving one another. We make mistakes, we let go, we ask God to forgive us, we forgive those who hurt us, and we move on and start again.

To read more about my conversion story, go to my Bio page. There, you will be able to read about my encounter on my Cursillo weekend.

You will also know more about me, my music ministry, and how all of that began. Go to my music page to read this information. I have had many encounters, many experiences, and all of it is good because God is so, so good to us. He always wants to give us more.

If you wish to support me in my music ministry, please visit my online store and purchase one or more of my CDs. They make a great tool to reach out and evangelize others. If you would like to send a one-time donation, it will go to help defray the cost of the many CDs I give away to those who cannot afford to purchase one.

If you would like me to send a CD to one of your family members or friends, just e-mail me at jesusmarlovesyou@hotmail.com with their name and address, and I will send them one as a gift from you.

 Thank you, God bless you, and please pray that my music will touch many lives and bring others closer to Christ.